Thursday, Jul 17 2014

IT Jargon: 10 Phrases We Love (But Hate)

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IT Jargon- 10 Phrases We Love

In the tech world, jargon is inescapable. These sneaky buzzwords and phrases creep into our lexicon almost unnoticed, and suddenly we’re spouting off terms like “synergy” and “paradigm” while our peers nod along — as if they know what we mean, any more than we do.

The thing about jargon is that it’s nearly universal among IT professionals. It’s attractive because it’s almost like a secret code, the way school kids use Pig Latin so their other friends won’t know they’re talking about them. But just because we use it, doesn’t mean we have to like it — because let’s face it, jargon (and Pig Latin) can get annoying.

Here are 10 popular IT buzzwords and phrases we can’t stand — and can’t stop saying.

The Cloud

What it’s supposed to mean: This nebulous term refers to the vast collection of data, programs, and infrastructures that are stored in and run from third-party data warehouses, and accessed through individual devices with Internet connections.

What it sounds like: Data heaven, where all the good little programs wait to bestow themselves on people with magic devices. The problem with “the cloud” is that everyone uses it, but most non-tech people don’t understand what it really means. Everything on the Internet is not in the cloud.

Onboarding

What it’s supposed to mean: The process of bringing a new employee on board and up to speed with the company.

What it sounds like: The process of bringing a new employee on board…a pirate ship. At sword point. And making them galley slaves.

Gamification

What it’s supposed to mean: Using elements of game playing at work to make things seem more fun and drive a competitive spirit.

What it sounds like: Your bosses have just been replaced by Mr. Rogers and Dr. Seuss. Everybody have fun…or else!

Code Monkey

What it’s supposed to mean: A computer programmer, especially when referring to an inexperienced or unskilled programmer.

What it sounds like: All that training and experience you have doesn’t matter, because a monkey could do your job. In fact, we’re thinking of hiring monkeys and firing you.

Coding Ninjas / Rockstars

What it’s supposed to mean: This term is most often used in job descriptions to entice brilliant programmers and developers to work for a company. Flattery will get you everywhere.

What it sounds like: We get to show up at work in ninja outfits, carrying electric guitars, and sneak around the office blasting wicked riffs at unsuspecting co-workers. Surely, everyone will take us seriously then.

Deploy

What it’s supposed to mean: The entire process of installing new software or hardware, testing it, fixing it, testing it again, fixing it some more, and finally getting it all up and running 30 days after the deadline. Or just installing, configuring, and smoothly launching software or hardware.

What it sounds like: Ready to install that new software? We’ll send five black vans full of IT people in full S.W.A.T. gear to your workplace, who will launch tear gas canisters through your windows before going in to attack your infrastructure. Don’t worry — we’ll keep the casualties as minimal as possible.

Architect

What it’s supposed to mean: [verb] To design and configure in the capacity of a software architect; to build a software architecture.

What it sounds like: Pretentious. Just say “build.”

Iteration

What it’s supposed to mean: In software programming and development, an iteration is a phase at which improvements are made — in short, a do-over.

What it sounds like: We don’t want to seem really anal about changing the background for this app to gray instead of blue, so we’ll just take the “re” off the fancy word for do-over and pretend it’s all part of the process.

Data Mining

What it’s supposed to mean: The process of analyzing and sorting large amounts of data in order to extract useful business applications.

What it sounds like: Meet your new IT team: Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, and Doc. Don’t worry about those pickaxes — they’re highly trained professionals.

Monetize

What it’s supposed to mean: To take something you’re already doing at work, and turn a profit from it.

What it sounds like: Our jobs involve magically spinning code into cash. Note how we’re all retired billionaires living on yachts in the Caribbean.

If you’re tired of people speaking jargon at you, and looking for people with real industry knowledge, contact The Armada Group. We hire highly trained IT individuals for some of the top companies across America, and place impeccable candidates with their dream jobs. 

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